


Long Talks, Short Walks

by VeronicaFerCard



Series: Aftermaths of War [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, Gen, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 04:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8952925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeronicaFerCard/pseuds/VeronicaFerCard
Summary: It was awful to admit, but it took Steve some time until he finally started to recognize the telltale signs that Tony was slowly losing it from PTSD.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This scene didn’t really fit in Anonymous Soldier so I’m posting separately.

“Stark?” Tony was on Steve’s doorstep when Steve got home from his run. It wouldn’t have been all that surprising, if Steve hadn’t gone running at three in the morning and returning an hour later.

“Is that your secret?” Tony asked, making a little running motion with the fingers of his unoccupied hand. The other held a cardboard coffee holder with three large cups in it. “This is how you deal with your shit?”

“Tony, what the hell are you doing out here? It’s four a.m.!”

“I’d have knocked, but –” He jerked his head toward the house.

“Bucky would’ve stabbed you,” Steve completed for him. Bucky would have probably stabbed _Steve_ for waking him up so early. It was also a bad idea to accidentally wake up Kobik with all the noise. She could be as cranky as Bucky in the morning. It still didn’t answer what Tony was doing there.

Steve swept his eyes over him thoroughly. His clothes looked fine and fresh but there was no hiding his state once you got to his face. Tony had heavy dark bags under his eyes. It looked like he hadn’t slept in the two weeks they had been back from space.

Steve pressed his lips tightly against each other as he inhaled and exhaled sharply. He had seen Stark in several states of disarray before. It was awful to admit, but it took Steve some time until he finally started to recognize the telltale signs that Tony was slowly losing it from PTSD.

Everyone on the group had at some point – or several – tried to get him to seek professional help, but Stark could out-stubborn Steve in this department. They changed their tactic then, after realizing there was no way to force Tony to do something he didn’t want to, so they made sure to _notice_. And then make him at least talk about it.

“Alright, give me that,” Steve asked, not waiting for an answer as he took the coffees from Tony’s hands. “Wait here,” he said, making sure to use his commanding tone as he bypassed Tony to enter his house.

He didn’t bother closing the door. He left the coffee on the kitchen counter and headed to the spare bedroom, stepping lightly and taking extra care to not make any unnecessary noise. Both Bucky and Kobik were incredibly light sleepers. To be completely honest, Steve wasn’t actually sure Kobik _needed_ any sleep, but he had yet to discuss that with her. 

Grabbing the spare pair of sneakers Sam had forgotten there a long time ago, Steve went back to the front of the house to find Tony exactly where he had left him.

“Put this on,” Steve said, shoving the tennis on Tony’s hands.

“What for?” Tony asked, eyeing the sneakers with distrust.

“We’re going for a run,” Steve explained. “You’re right; it’s one of the ways I deal with my shit.” He had been running a _lot_ the past week.

 During the day it was easy to pretend things were okay. Bucky and he had to take care of Kobik, they had to learn how to be parents and they had to learn about her abilities and how to help her. There was a lot to do, which left no room for thinking about anything else.

The nights were a different story. There was nothing to distract them from their memories. Bucky blamed himself for not recognizing Steve, even after Steve reassured him time and again that it wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t have known. Even Kobik chimed in once, confessing she remembered erasing Steve, _rewriting_ his life. She apologized to them with tears on her eyes and they all fell asleep on the bed that night; Bucky and Steve hugging her tight.

And Steve, Steve didn’t blame either of them at all. But that didn’t mean he didn’t see it, when he closed his eyes at night. Bucky looking right pass him, saying he didn’t _look_ like himself. Steve had been so afraid after the procedure. Bucky wouldn’t know him. But then, even dazed from Zola’s torture he _did,_ he recognized Steve.

And then he didn’t. And it hurt.

Both their shrinks had been very busy the past week.

But Tony didn’t have that outlet – because he didn’t want to, but anyway – and Steve had just thought of a way to help him.

“You want me to run?” Tony’s eyebrows were almost up to his hairline with incredulity. Steve nodded smug. Stark looked down on himself, but Steve had already taken that into account. Tony would be perfectly fine running on his sweats, T-shirt and sweater. “For fuck’s sakes, Rogers,” Tony complained as he knelt down to change shoes. He handed his Crocks – Steve tried not to judge – to Steve with more grumbling and Steve dropped them carefully by the door before closing it behind himself.

He gave one sharp clap and smiled at Tony. “Okay, let’s go!” Steve coaxed before taking up a painfully slow pace, mindful to the fact that Stark didn’t have any training and had probably never run in his life. “Spill.”

“God – I – nightmares,” Tony stuttered, already breathing a bit harder. Nonetheless, he kept up for about three blocks, before giving up completely and dropping down unceremoniously on the sidewalk. “First of all, fuck you.” Steve chuckled and sat beside him. Tony took in a few deep breaths before speaking again. “Second, I –” he brought his hands up and rubbed his face roughly twice before dropping them back to his sides. “I thought this was over, but I got a whole new batch of this shit now,” he confessed.

Steve brought a hand to Tony’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He didn’t let go as he spoke. “Tell me about it,” he asked gently.

Tony opened and closed his mouth a few times; he seemed to be formulating his sentences, putting them in order. Steve waited patiently. “I had a dream on the ship,” Tony began. “I was about to die in space all over again. And guess what?” He let out a humorless laugh. “I wake up and it’s real. Not my actually dream, but it’s real, innit? I’m about to die out there.”

“But you didn’t it,” Steve reassured him with another squeeze of his shoulder. “None of us did. We made it, Tony.”

Stark sighed shakily. He didn’t look at Steve as he spoke. “You know, I’ve been thinking about taking a page from your book, lately.” He turned his head to face him then. “Get out,” he explained.

“Is that what you really want to do?” Steve had to ask. Tony had said that before. It was his MO, he got scared and he said he would leave. But then he felt better and came back, and then repeat.  Steve took his hand from Tony’s shoulder and tapped his upper arm with the back of it. “C’mon,” he called as he got up and offered Stark a hand.

Tony glared at Steve’s hand and then at his face. “I’m not running again, Rogers-Barnes,” he hesitated a little, “Rogers. Whatever the sequence is.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to. Let’s just walk.”

After a few more dirty looks and curses Tony finally indulged him. They walked quietly for what seemed like half an hour, Stark elaborated breath the loudest sound between them. Above them, the sky was getting lighter by the time Tony broke the silence.

“No, I don’t. Okay. I don’t,” he confessed angrily. “I like what I do, and I wanna keep doing it for as long as I can. But the side effects _suck_.” Steve side eyed him with a grin. “Stop, smiling. It doesn’t suit you,” Tony grunted. “Frowning is a much better look on you, Rogers, less unsettling.”

Steve laughed aloud then. “You know, you can smile too,” he said. “You just have to accept that you have to _deal_ with what comes with the job, Tony. Not just shove it under the carped until the carpet gives up on you and you slip on it.”

“Fucking weird metaphor was that?” Tony complained. They were turning back to Steve house and he was picking up his pace now. “Anyway,” he moved after Steve shrugged in reply. Tony understood what he meant. “I know I gotta open up, and not just bottled down.” He smirked at Steve, smug for his better metaphor. “And I’m trying. I’m doing it right now, ain’t I?”

Steve sighed. “Yeah, and you just saw how great I am at giving advice. I’m here whenever you need me, Tony. I’ll listen to you but I’m not sure I—”

“You’re not qualified for it, I know,” Tony admitted. “I just can’t trust anyone like that. I’ll tell Pepper, I’ll tell Rhodey, you, any of the others. But I can’t trust a third party, I _can’t_.”

Steve nodded. He understood Tony’s trust issues. But suddenly he also had an answer. Maybe. “What about Wanda?”

“What about her? You think a kid can help me? ‘Cause I’ve already got the Spider-Kid and let me tell you, if a senior citizen like yourself can’t solve my problems, I don’t see how a teenager—”

“Tony, shut up for a second,” Steve cut him with a light but firm tone. He waited for Tony to literally close his mouth before speaking. “Why don’t you ask her to take a look up there?” He suggested, pointedly glancing at Tony’s head. “Maybe then she could find a way to direct what you’re feeling towards what’s really bothering you.”

They were almost on Steve’s doorstep again. Stark’s forehead was shiny with sweat. “Do you really think having someone messing with my head would help?”

“I didn’t say mess with it, I said let her look inside,” Steve clarified. “Once you find the root of your problem makes it easier to look for a way to deal with it. You have more clues.” He was actually parroting his own psychologist there, but Tony didn’t need to know that.

Tony eyed him skeptically for a moment. “Really?” Steve nodded. Stark cocked his head to the side. “Yeah, I guess I can see your point. Kinda.”

Steve snorted. They stopped in front of the house and he turned so that he was fully facing Tony. “Whatever you do, though, we all got you back, you know that. We love you, Tony,” Steve said honestly. He ignored Tony’s Adam apple working nervously, and once again brought a hand down his shoulder. “You don’t shut down on us.” Tony’s fear had the tendency of leading to catastrophic decisions. “And we’ll deal with whatever it is together. Deal?”

They stared at each other for some time before Tony finally relented. “Alright, alright. Fine. I’m not gonna let this run from me like Ultron or the Accords… or your husband killing my folks. I’m gonna talk it out like a big boy. See, just did it!”

“I see.” Steve looked at him solemnly for a moment. “And I’m very proud of you, young man.” He laughed as Tony swatted his hand away. Stark couldn’t keep the frown on his face for longer either and he end up laughing loudly alongside Steve.

They were still laughing when the front door opened from the inside.

“The fuck are you two doing?” Bucky was squinting at them, topless and barefoot.

Steve shot him the most innocent look he could summon. “I just found him here and –”

“Rogers, you absolute rat!” Tony yelped affronted.

“Oh, for fuck’s sakes,” Bucky admonished them. “Come inside before you wake up the entire block.”

“Sorry, Buck.”

“We should do this more often,” Stark commented as they followed Bucky inside.

“What, wake me up at this ungodly hour?” Bucky shot back without turning to them. He picked one of the coffees from the holder and settled in a chair on the counter.  

Tony and Steve let Bucky’s cranky remark pass them by. And Steve nodded at him in acknowledgement, heading to the fridge to get a bottle of water for Tony. “Whenever you need, pal,” he said sincerely, “whenever you need.”


End file.
